It's probably my 5th/6th time having dinner in the hallowed halls of Magdalene, but it's only now that I realised the surreality that surrounded me.

When will I ever have the chance to wear black tie with an academic gown and dine in hall steeped in history and tradition and only illuminated by candlelight? When will I ever have the chance to have a choir sing to me a prayer in Latin, which I don't really comprehend but so beautiful? When will I ever have the chance to give a toast to Her Majesty the Queen, who isn't even my head of state? When will I ever get a chance to listen to a live musical performance with narration from the diary of Samuel Pepys?

It's probably something I will never get to do again after I graduate, unless I feel nostalgic many years later, donate some money and get a seat at the high table (pretty unlikely).

It's also probably something most people would never experience in their lives, considering such traditional dinners are probably done only in some colleges in Oxbridge...

I guess once you are admitted into a college, you are part of the family for life. Maybe. I will just continue to marvel in awe at the pomp and tradition my college still upholds even with all the changes and vicissitudes that have happened and may happen in the future. I used to hate the fact that Magdalene was one of the more traditional colleges, but now I'm slowly growing fond of that aspect.

Uh oh. Maybe this is part of being Cambridge-educated.

I love being in uncharted waters. Maybe that's why I'm a geographer.

Nobody said it was easy,

It's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

Ambiguity kills. I know you better than most other people do, and you know me better than most other people do. And we have grown so close I'm not sure if we are intentionally crossing some boundaries, or because we are unwittingly doing so.

"Let nature take its course". Whoever came up that phrase clearly didn't mean for it to be used on the complexity of relationships. How do you tell where the boundary lie, especially when you yourself are uncertain of your own feelings, let alone hers? And I can't help but think how it would complicate everyone else's lives, and what might happen if it doesn't go well.

Maybe the status quo should be maintained. I don't know. Too tired to think about all of this.