went for the chickenpox jab today. First time I'm not scared of a jab cos I'm somewhat mentally prepared haha
It really felt like an ant bite...but now my left arm feels weak. And according to the doctor it's a live vaccine, which means I will fall sick tonight. sian

oh and I found a flaw in my argument about humans I made a few posts back. A mentally unsound guy might not be satisfied with his environment...does that make him not human? >.<

tard.

got EAGLES award thing today. and saw a few ppl on fb posting about it. Not something I'm really proud of, but it's a free 200 dollars (I think). woooo

going to immunise myself against chickenpox tomorrow. can't believe I survived 16 years without getting the virus when almost everyone I know got it already -.- I remember telling myself I would get it in p6, and then procrastinated... and sec 1-3 hols were kinda busy.

I have a feeling that half my friends don't really know me all that well. I have this different side of me I show to different groups of people... in class, in cca, even on overseas school trips... which one is my true self? I don't know anymore haha. What happened to the guy that sat quietly in class and you know, just worked really hard for homework? I don't even do them anymore. And something Kai Yan, my RC batchmate, told me during oip really struck me. "Wah, this is the first time seeing you like that". Even a friend that I've known for 4 years is shocked at my new 'face' during trips. guess I'm just a true introvert.

I feel that this is really good http://jerrybrito.org/post/6114304704/top-ten-myths-about-introverts The top 10 myths about introverts, and so so so true. I think I'm just loosening up the closer I get to people.

nostalgia.

Humans are so weird. You don't really feel much when you are part of an organisation, group etc. It's only when you leave that you really think about how it has really changed your life lol. It's just a place I study at...

Started playing 1v1 in starcraft 2. got placed in gold. zzz sian now I have to play more to get into plat.

Started doing some exercises after a month of inactivity. feeling too weak. haha this is so bad.

I think I'm starting to get too used to writing in short form now. Too much time spent on the web has made my typing so bad... so inaccurate and full of internet slang (is that how you describe stuff like lol?). When I am writing with pen and paper, it's okay, but when I'm typing, even if  it is schoolwork, I still struggle to correct the shortforms present in my work. This is really bad...

Realised I haven't blogged in a long time again. I guess i'm not the type that has the discipline to write down whatever I think on a notebook or a blog. I still remember reading Roald Dahl describing how he wrote down every dream he had in order to get inspiration for his next book. Too much hassle for a lazy guy like me I guess.

I still wonder sometimes if my decision was right or not. Though there's no turning back, I guess the statement that males, whether boys or men, never have final decisions, has some truth in it. I was watching a k-drama just now, and a dialogue between the male and female protagonists really struck me. She was contemplating between 2 choices, and asked him what he thought. He replied that there is no such thing as a 100% choice, since if that's the case it would mean it would be the answer, and 2 choices would not exist. What was important, he said, was to take that 50%, the chosen option, and make it into a 100%. There is no point regretting the choice made. Rather, one should work hard and make sure that it is the right choice.

Some truth in it, I suppose. Never knew dramas could be so deep. haiz.

Being the holidays, I currently have nothing much to do. And my mind has been allowed to wander for long periods of time. I was wondering about the classic question: "How is a human different from other animals?" Is the fact that we communicate through language? No, if I'm not wrong some animals do too, whether through sonar or body language. Is it the fact that we are able to fashion tools to meet our needs? Nope, apes have been observed doing that too, fashioning a stick thin enough to reach into an ant's nest to lure the ants out. Or is it just that we are intelligent? Yet, what is intelligence? Do other animals think? When animals meet danger, do they think, or just go by instinct, by whatever their subconsciousness dictates them to do? Are animals concious of themselves in the first place? Some animals, such as dolphins are (I think).

I guess the answer for me is that humans are always unsatisfied with something, whether their surroundings, their friends, food, etc. Is it this force that propels humans to constantly change, to constantly test the boundaries, to constantly break down barriers leading to their 'happiness'? Perhaps happiness is also a tool of evolution. To me, I don't think there is a way to be 100% happy. It is that minute nagging of displeasure that ultimately persuades a person to improve or change something. I guess in that way we slowly get better, more adapted to our surroundings, whether man-made or natural.

I guess that argument is bullshit. One thing I have to learn is to identify the weaknesses of my arguments. Being the proud creator of the rubbish, I'm always blinded and unable to do so. Yet my friends in my school (well, ex-school now) are always able to spot them and demolish my arguments. Guess I really suck at argument crafting.

Just had a thought. A real genius is not one that does perfectly everything, but one that is able to spot the shortcomings of his first product and continuously, tirelessly refine it until it is perfect.

Another bullshit statement haha

Oh and I've started dabbling in the the rubik's cube. Being fail at puzzles, I'm stuck at the last three squares. Can't seem to move them to the correct position to complete the dam cube. stupid puzzle.

And I need to start doing stuff for OIP. Told myself I would finish it today since the deadline is tomorrow. Haven't even started. Oh well shall just do it tomorrow then. Shouldn't be that hard anyway. Plus it's not graded :D (duh. retard.)

Oh shit and haven't replied to my china buddy's email. shit shit shit. Still need to send him pictures. shit shit shit.

at least I'm recovering from the cold. the last few days have been hell :/

and 4 years of my life are gone.

I still remember the first time when I stepped in RI. Having not visited it before (nvr went for the open house cos I never expected to get in anyway), it was a strange new place. I still remember the shy me stepping into 1P for the first time, being daunted by the fact that I knew no one in the class and that there was a surprisingly large majority of nanyang ppl in it. And it was also the day I spoke to Ivan for the first time.

For the first few weeks, sec 1 life was relaxed, but awkward, because it seemed that I was a fish out of water. Everyone seemed so much smarter, so much better than me. But I trudged on, and eventually knew my classmates better, and got to enjoy sec 1 life. I guess sec 1 was also the time I was the most hardworking in my time in RI, partly cos there was no commitments to cca or distractions for games, and I somehow seemed really motivated to study for the various tests. Though my math grade was in shambles before the eoy, it was ultimately pulled up to a 4.0.

Sec 1 was the first and last time I obtained the much coveted 4.0 gpa, and I guess the more hard work you put in, the greater the rewards. I didn't have that much motivation in the years onwards, which probably caused the decline in gpa.

Sec 1 was also the time I entered Red Cross. I still remember that I said "I wanted to learn more about first aid" as the reason why I joined. Frankly, that was a lie, since I didn't really have a reason to join other than the fact that my dad said it was a wise choice (talking about his own experience in ncc and my uncle's experience in   st john's). Which was the reason I put it as 2nd choice. At that point in time, it was kind of a disappointment, since I really hoped to join shooting which was my first choice.

In the first few weeks of cca life, red cross seemed like a really bad choice lol. For a 13 year old which had lived a rather relaxed life in primary school, the harsh discipline imposed on me by batch 56 was quite hard to stomach. It was at that time that I thought of changing my cca, but never got about seeing it through. And then things became better when b57 took over, I started enjoying it more and more i guess.

In sec 2, I started to really enjoy my class. I was now friends with most of the class, and laughed alot at all the retarded jokes that were made during class. It was also the time I started not doing my homework (oops), and started playing dota, albeit really lousily. Grades suffered, and I got a 3.8 gpa. Respectable, but not quite what I wanted.

In cca, I became slightly more involved, and joined fac 09. I was probably the worst in first aid in the team, which was the reason why I was the "theory guy". Still, I was really proud cos it was the time Iota, my platoon in RC, got to dominate the first aid team. We got third in fac 09, and it was probably the first competition I won (or rather got a placing) at the national level. Iota also won the platoon competition that year, partly because much emphasis was placed on first aid, which favoured my platoon, as compared to the more evac ( I think?) oriented epsilon and fd crazy omega.

The first half of sec 3 was probably the shittiest time I had in RI. Mostly due to smith. and incompetent teachers (ahem bio). I almost changed my combination I was going to take from trip sci geog to phy chem geog hist. At the end of sec 2, I was torn between the 2 combinations, partly cos I did quite well for history and had some interest in it, though on impulse I chose trip sci geog. In the end though, I stuck to my combi, and I guess it was a miracle smith left by June. Don't get me wrong, as an English teacher, whe was great, just that I hated her style of teaching.

The second half of sec 3 was also really tough, since I was in boarding, and boarding really isn't the best place to be when you are in the midst of preparing for a competition (fac 10) and being involved in running the cca. Which is probably why I did a really bad job in both, and on top of that, my grades suffered again.
On the bright side though, I met really great old and new friends like ernest (awesome roomate!), bong, winston, kevan and tien pan. I guess looking at tien pan mug every day kinda inspired me to study a little while in boarding, but not much.

I ended sec 3 with another 3.8. nth much to say about that. and student leaders' camp. I guess slc was the toughest camp I went through yet, hiking 43 km over 2 days with a bag probably weighing 10kg. I couldnt even shower that night, and had to sleep in some flimsy basha tent. it was also the time when I realised these kind of stuff was really mind over matter. At the end of the hike, many of my groupmates asked me how I was able to be always the front of the group, and ever urging the group to move faster and further. I didn't have an answer at that time, but I think I do now. I was never the fittest in the group ( on the contrary, probably the most unfit, with so many sportsmen and other ug ppl in it). So it was kind of surprising to me when they started complaining lol. I realised that hiking was just about getting to a constant pace, and soon your body starts ignoring the pain at the shoulders and feet and just focus on moving towards the set destination. But it was also through this that my groupmates said I didn't look back enough and ignored the ones at the back of the group. That's also probably why I kinda failed as a platoon mentor. It is really hard to propel a group forward, while taking care of the ppl at the back. Throughout the year, I guess I didn't do that well in that aspect either, so i guess I have to work on that more.

Sec 4 was a hectic time for me. A year of red cross, getting entangled in some ug council affairs, getting demoralised by my disappointing score in geog in the mid years, and taking part in fdcom for the first time. It was also the time when I first reflected so much on my 4 years in RI through the showcase portfolio. I realised I did achieve alot, and it still seems unbelievable I'm in this school today. And now I'm already leaving for another school (though the sec school and jc have merged, they are still distinctly different to me).  I would say sec 4 would be the time where I accumulated many regrets, whether I liked it or not. I should have done so many things better, lp for the sec 3s, where I think I really let them down by an unstructured and subpar programme at times, my grades, which began to drop, and all the many other things along the way. Lp was the first time I tried planning something on such a large scale, and to be honest it was really really badly executed lol. I guess trying to keep up with academics (with my RA and competitions) as well as CCA is quite impossible for me. I think I did my best to juggle both, but I could have done better (as always).

I think one thing I didn't talk about yet is my RA, Geography. It was quite lucky I entered RA in the first place, considering the weird interview I had with Mr Yuen and Mrs Ong. And I was quite a fish out of water in the first few weeks of RA. Guess I'm not the type of person that gets comfortable easily in a new environment. And it was also by another stroke of luck that I got in to the team for NUS Geography challenge 2010. By now I think what owl (though not directly) at that time that I was the weakest link in the team is pretty true. I'm quite fail at navigating (just didn't bothered with the bus roads and maps) and was the most unfit in the team (with 2 polo players and someone from scouts, it isn't that surprising). So that told me that I had to ace the prelim test in order to prove my position in the team. Which I kinda did, getting joint 3rd with like 5 other people, the only person on the team that got placed. Looking back, I guess it was good she said that cos I realised I had to prove my worth. so thanks owl.

Anyway, it was the first academic competition I took part in (ignoring random stuff like UNSW and all the olympiads which I didn't really care for) which I won. wow. I didn't really expect to win, but with 3 strong team mates, I'm not really surprised now. I really like to thank shao min, wesley and sam chua for the wonderful time we had together, screwing around in the geog room and rushing to prepare in the final weeks before the competition.

RA became more fun as I get to know my teacher, Mrs Ong Wai Ling, and my other classmates. We are perhaps the most bonded RA class, probably cos we have [too] much fun during lessons. I think it was a surprise to me when I topped the level in geog mid years in year 3, cos I thought I screwed it up badly after test (I didn't read the last part of the easy question and didn't write it to context). So I guess it was a stroke of luck that my essay actually made sense (the context was in LEDCs, and most examples I gave were in LEDCs, so my essasy survived). I guess physical geog is my forte, cos I died in the eoys for geog. I did not get the highest raw score in geog ra overall, but I was second, so I got the prize too.

Sec 4 RA was dam cool too. I got to go to UK, participated in Nat Geo World Championships in San Francisco (!), went for NUS Geog challenge again with the same team and IDEERS in taiwan. I guess this time round NUS Geog challenge was quite unfair to the other teams, since I think we were one of the few teams that actually sent the same team again. And the difference was quite obvious when we got top 4 for the written prelim round. I got 3rd again (pfffft), but at least it was my team mates sam chua and wesley that got top 2. So we were favourites to win the competition, and I guess we did not disappoint. I think what disappointed me the most was the RGS team, which ended the finals with a negative score. Well, nothing much to say about that.

UK trip was dam fun. I think the photos on fb would attest to that.

Nat Geo World Championships wasn't really a competition I liked. It emphasised on memorising all the different parts of the world, like how Bolivia has 2 capitals, Sucre and La Paz. To me, it was quite retarded, since I think concepts like urbanisation and globalisation or even river processes is more important that just memorising which is the highest mountain in the US (which is Mt McKinley btw). So I think I pulled the team down, and we got 6th overall. The best results Singapore has achieved so far in the competition, but not that great a result, because I really think we would thrash the rest if it came to theory or even fieldwork. It was fun though, since I spent the last few days having fun cos I didnt need to study for the finals anyway. And I made some cool friends along the way, like the taiwanese, indians and the hungarians. I didn't talk with the others, either because they were too quiet, or just that I didn't like how pretentious ppl like the aussies were (pardon me if I was wrong, but that's how I really felt). Still, it was a great experience, cos I got to really experience SF, not just be told I was there when I was 3 -.-

IDEERS was just a gateway for me to go to taiwan lol. But I'm really glad Shurvin, the chief architect and leader of the team, put up with teammates like me. Thanks alot, hohoho! It was really fun though, building a model from scratch and gettting to know my RA mates and other friends better (like the dirty mind of bernard tsk tsk). and Mrs Martina Ong was an awesome teacher in charge too. And my taiwan friend for treating me with so much hospitality, thanks Hung Hsu! Though I guess I came back with a few regrets, like how I screwed up the measurements for the second floor (sorry shurvin and pk), I still had a really good time in Taiwan.

For my geog grade, well I did really badly in the midyears, where most ppl in RA class got like 6-7 marks higher than me. So by the time it reached the eoy, I was like 14% behind wesley, who was the top at a mindblowing 92%. So I guess top in geog ra is out of my reach, and I just focussed on getting my 4.0 for geog at the end of the year. and I got it, topping the level for the geog eoy, surprising everyone and myself really. I'm tied at 83.13% with minseok behind wesley at 84.5%, so whether the third decimal place is higher or lower than min seok's determines whether I get the prize. I'm already happy though, because even if I don't get the prize, it would just be what I deserve for not studying well enough for the mid years. Quite regrettable really, but at least I did my best in the eoy.

I guess that sums up my 4 years in RI. Had a great time, met great friends, and had many regrets. Oh well, that's just life I suppose.

haiz. it's tmr.

Footdrill

Footdrill was never one of my passions in Red Cross. I was more inclined towards OA, but that was just cos it felt easy to do. First aid and evacuation were subjects I was never really great at, but the difficulty was satisfying.

When I first entered RIRC, I felt footdrill was easy. I still remember winning the first 2 elim drills in sec 1. and then after footdrill bronze, everything went downhill lol. It just became cumbersome to remember all those commands, timings, and those malay words I cant never understand. It was a real struggle to me, possibly my worst core RC subject.

So when I joined FDC this year cos of the lack of participants (ahem), I didn't really know what I was getting into. I had another geog competition that is about a month away from FDC, and I had training clashes (which is bad cos I had to skip many fdc trainings when my footdrill proficiency is crappy ._,)

Yea, I trained hard. And then I realised fd was never about the different commands. It was about the people. My awesome batchmates and unitmates was really what made me persevere through this journey. Trainings were somewhat tough I guess, but we soldiered on.

So much I didn't know about my team mates...so much I didn't know about my batchmates even. I guess what the GOH said yesterday was true. All you remember is not the sweat and tears, but the friendships forged.

So I'd like the thank all those who came with me on this journey for the wonderful time. Thanks for putting up with my screw ups and my zao xiaing (xD)!

NYANCOM'11. Something I won't forget for a long time.