I still don't get why people don't believe I learnt how to whistle by mimicking birds when I was bored.

new com yay

Just read an article that discussed the habits of successful (their limited definition just included rich and famous people though) people, and one was to write their worries away.

So I will just try it for today, just about some stuff that comes to mind.

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The very first thing he remembers from his childhood was when he was 3. The cloudy memories still come back to visit him once in a while, as he struggles to get some fitful sleep. He remembers his few childhood friends, most of whom their names he cannot remember. He remembers the times where he kept falling, and his legs and knees were full of bruises. He remembers the time when he was disciplined by his father, because of some wrong he did which he cannot recall, where he stood at the top of the staircase wordlessly crying while his father shouted at him. And he also remembers the time he first felt awkward, when two girls of the same age came up to him and asked who was more pretty. He had no answer then, and now. He can't remember their faces anyway.

Appearances of people, places and objects of the past seem fuzzy to him. Yet the feelings he had at those moments will probably stay with him his entire life.

Memories. Part 1 end.

okay screwed for cts. why am I even here right nowwww

The paper chase... I don't even have the decency to go and talk to the person after she shouted my name across the field anymore... what have I become...

What can I do when thoughts of her once distracted me so much...

GP compre was disastrous.

Third time in my life I feel like an utter failure. Absolute total failure. Can't even meet the minimum requirements... so damn lousy.

It always seems like everytime I'm down, it's always friends that console me and my closest ones, my parents, that put me down. Every time I do well in anything there's no response or an "you should do even better", and when I do badly it's a "why did you do so badly?" There's never any encouragement, never any simple words like " you did well", or even a cursory "great job". Just looks of disapproval.

Guess it's just another life's lesson. That going to your family for support is a big fat lie. That you should just ignore their cruel words and focus on yourself. Cos ultimately, I'm living for myself, not them. I just need to come to terms with this hard fact.

Don't know why I suddenly feel like blogging today. Haven't written much in ages... yet so much has happened during this time. The constant paper chase, which I seem to fail so badly at, all those false pretenses and fake smiles, and all the fleeting yet meaningful moments when I feel that I am actually helping people.

I sometimes wonder why I do things. I'm too impulsive, too visceral for my liking. Should use my brain more often.

I'm starting to feel more and more jaded, more and more tired of everything that's going on. No one and nothing really excites me anymore. Is it really that hard to find someone I can really talk to? Guess that's the problem with introverts. Our social circles are too small that the chances of finding even someone to connect on a slightly deeper level is so damn low.

SATs 1 again tomorrow. Let's hope that I don't screw up yet another thing.