So postings were out a few days ago, and as with everything else, some people are sad because of their fate, and others elated. It's such an arbitrary thing really, something most of us have little control of, given the multitude of factors in play. Yet people still blame themselves (and others) when things do not go their way.

It's always slightly heartbreaking for me when friends tell me they are sad about what happened. I feel helpless. I have little clue on how to help them, for I am a mere naive 19 year old. In the end, it's always the same few clichéd words or phrases that get repeated. I don't know if I'm really helping them, or even consoling them. 

Ah well. Sometimes we shouldn't take it so hard on ourselves when things don't go our way. But maybe I'm too accustomed to personal success (I think I've had my fair share over the years) that I do not know the full repercussions of that mindset.

In the end, I am personally happy with my posting. Other may not be, my dad included, but it doesn't matter I guess. It's not like I live to please others anyway. I just need to live up to my own expectations, and that's good enough for me.

How can you see the big picture if you aren't even part of it?

Incoherent, random thoughts

Don't know why I'm starting to worry about the future of Singapore, and of the world. The writings of people who worry or worried more than me about what will happen in the future is affecting me I guess. Isn't it naive to believe that the financial system, which currently runs on "trust" in governments, and creates wealth through speculation will continue as per normal in the foreseeable future?


It has been said that being a progressive is always the way to go. A conservative is one who attempts to safeguard tenets of society that one deems relevant, but those which progressives what to change or in their words, improve.


But how much can one do if the dominant governing principles of the current state of civilisation are about to be changed? Am I to stand aside and observe the collapse, or try to safeguard where I come from, or embrace the change and try to lead the path into the unknown?


I believe I am a reformist, someone who believes that constant change is beneficial to society and must be encouraged, whether top down or bottom up or both. Yet being one scares me now. The magnitude of the current situation is being overshadowed by too many petty concerns, mine included.


Even if I do try to enter policy work, is this something I will be able to change? Or will be subsumed into the "elite" of society, and forget the concerns in my mind now and focus on the more minor issues? Is there even any point in me worrying? Aren't individuals powerless in the face of "historical forces", as analysed by certain schools of history?


The end of the arc of capitalism, the state of the environment... I don't know. This is too much for a naive 19 year old to understand.


'No need to rush; the end of the world is only the end of the world as you know it.' - Mark Strand


Time to prepare for a new world, I guess. Don't know if others, or I, will be ready enough for it though.

BMT is almost over. Nothing much to say about it really, other than that I met a bunch of really awesome people and got to do many things I never thought I would (e.g. shouting rather funnily during bcct). Everything has a closure, as my dad always says, and BMT is no exception.

 In the next few weeks, what I decide to do will determine how I spend the rest of my life. Haiz. Why must I decide on my future at such a young age? I guess having a choice is not a bad thing, but how to make the right choice is a different matter altogether.

As usual I'm not being very coherent with my thoughts. I think I need some downtime to myself to reflect, but army isn't really the ideal place for that.

Oh well. Life goes on, whether or not you are living it to the fullest.

I still don't get why people don't believe I learnt how to whistle by mimicking birds when I was bored.

new com yay

Just read an article that discussed the habits of successful (their limited definition just included rich and famous people though) people, and one was to write their worries away.

So I will just try it for today, just about some stuff that comes to mind.

__

The very first thing he remembers from his childhood was when he was 3. The cloudy memories still come back to visit him once in a while, as he struggles to get some fitful sleep. He remembers his few childhood friends, most of whom their names he cannot remember. He remembers the times where he kept falling, and his legs and knees were full of bruises. He remembers the time when he was disciplined by his father, because of some wrong he did which he cannot recall, where he stood at the top of the staircase wordlessly crying while his father shouted at him. And he also remembers the time he first felt awkward, when two girls of the same age came up to him and asked who was more pretty. He had no answer then, and now. He can't remember their faces anyway.

Appearances of people, places and objects of the past seem fuzzy to him. Yet the feelings he had at those moments will probably stay with him his entire life.

Memories. Part 1 end.