It's so funny how someone can become unimportant to you so easily
maybe it's because we constantly make conscious decisions who to surround ourselves with

and how easily others purposefully exclude you
probably because you aren't that important anyway

and how things that were once clear can become so vague in just an instant
perhaps it just wasn't meant to be

still hurts though.
no one said it wouldn't. Just because it felt like the right decision doesn't mean it wouldn't bite back. 

So we are back to where we were just a year ago. I guess I can't expect more from you anyway. You are flawed, and so am I, but don't make me responsible for your missteps.

That's just irresponsible.

But what can I expect anyway, from someone like you? I'm glad we aren't friends anymore (are we? I don't even know). There's only so much a person can take. And I'm tired of maintaining this stupid friendship with you being immature about every single problem that comes up.

I hate it that sometimes I do irrational things, and I find it hard to justify my actions, even decide what my next step would be.

But life isn't that simple anyway, is it? If I were able to break everything down and make decisions in a snap that would make it so much easier but I can't.

With every decision comes insecurity and fear. But each one I take also gives me hope.

And I love that.

It's funny how I can vote in the local Cambridge election but not back in Singapore.

It's when you travel that you see things from a different perspective. A deceptively disembodied one. One that seems to tell you who you are and who you aren't, and who the people who are travelling around you really are as well.

Because it's when you spend almost every waking moment with a person/some people that you finally understand that sometimes the fundamental things that a friendship is founded on can mean different to different people.

Some things I will never condone I have seen. Some things they do not they may have seen in me.

But it is through this that we grow. Through this that we are reminded no one is perfect, and misunderstandings only deepen when we avoid one another.

And sometimes, it is through this that you both realise you just don't click that well with each other.

Writing this while listening to a beautiful performance of Majula Singapura by the Singapore Symphony Orchestra.

It might be slightly controversial to say this, and I am still unprepared for a titan such as Lee Kuan Yew to go, Singapore's 50th birthday seems to be an apt time for him to.

He is the politician I respect the most. Not because of his tenacity or grit even when all seemed to go wrong, or even his charismatic speeches, but his willingness to change policy direction to suit the changing political and economic climate of the time.

It may seem oxymoronic to respect a politician for his changing views over the years, when most win votes by strongly campaigning for the relatively unchanging views of their supporters. But that is precisely why I think he is different from most. He knew that his own view, or even that of his core supporters sometimes didn't matter. What did was what was best for the country, to which he devoted his life too.

As we commemorate his life though, we cannot forget the team that has backed him all this while. Most of our founding fathers have passed away too, and LKY's death can almost be seen as the passing away of a generation that guided Singapore through its toughest times.

Being born in the mid 90s, into relative wealth, I cannot profess to understand all the past struggles that have in some ways defined our national psyche and mentality. That being said, I think we are in a much better position today to think about who we are and where we want to go.

When independence was thrust upon us, the main narrative was one of survival. While we are still extremely vulnerable in certain ways, it is a fact that we now have the opportunity to focus on the deeper questions.

I would hate for Singapore to decline in my generation. Something that my forefathers built will not be squandered away.

Is it too grand a dream for me to want to make Singapore the best place one can live in? Not just in terms of opulence, but vibrancy, comfort and safety. Maybe, but I think we have proven to the world we can achieve what everyone says we can't. We just have to prove them wrong once again. Just like he did.

I think that would be the ultimate tribute to him. RIP Mr Lee, and thank you for everything.

I'm learning so much here, but it's just so emotionally and mentally draining. It's as if they are trying to tell me to run a full marathon when all I've ever run are sprints.