Waking up

Just took a nap because my mind has been in a fog lately - I'm at a loss, not knowing what to do, what to prioritise and just generally wasting my time away.

But that half an hour really cleared it all up. Maybe it was the things I dreamt of, which were so ridiculously inconsequential that made me realise what I needed to be focusing on instead, and who I should stop thinking and caring about so much.

The paper chase seems to be such a long and never ending journey, one that seems fruitless, and yet holds so much promise. The allure of new places, experiences, friends and yet the futility of a hectic life since we all turn to dust eventually...

But I guess I can think about that when I have less things to do and stress about.

On the other hand, I feel like sometimes I overestimate myself and try too hard. I guess I just have to learn to let go some things that aren't meant to be. It's been an enjoyable time but I guess it's time to have realistic expectations about how things will end up.

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

全都怪我
不該沉默時沉默 該勇敢時軟弱
如果不是我 誤會自己灑脫 讓我們難過

Sonder

n. the realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

I like the walks I take to and from my lectures. In Singapore, I often just take the MRT to wherever I want to go and retreat into the small world of my mobile phone. 

It is wonderful to walk around, breathe in some fresh air, and notice how other people are doing. That's the best part. Although I walk fast (probably faster than 90% of the people here), I take the effort to observe those around me.

That lady in front smiling - perhaps a promotion, her wedding anniversary, her husband successfully battling cancer?

That man frowning - stress from work, early onset of clinical depression, or just naturally grumpy?

That tourist taking a photo of my college - just as a keepsake or to spur his child on to come to study here?

I don't know. I guess imagining what others are thinking just lets my mind wander for a while, a brief respite from the mundanity of everyday life.

If you do not stand up to injustice, it's not because you are patient. You have just become accustomed to fear.

If I were a question, would you be my answer?

Maybe because I've lived a pretty smooth-sailing and sheltered life so far that it has made me treat each failure too seriously. Need to start taking things in my stride.

I guess being bold won't always pay off. But all we can do is continue moving forward while being true to ourselves.