went for the chickenpox jab today. First time I'm not scared of a jab cos I'm somewhat mentally prepared haha
It really felt like an ant bite...but now my left arm feels weak. And according to the doctor it's a live vaccine, which means I will fall sick tonight. sian

oh and I found a flaw in my argument about humans I made a few posts back. A mentally unsound guy might not be satisfied with his environment...does that make him not human? >.<

tard.

got EAGLES award thing today. and saw a few ppl on fb posting about it. Not something I'm really proud of, but it's a free 200 dollars (I think). woooo

going to immunise myself against chickenpox tomorrow. can't believe I survived 16 years without getting the virus when almost everyone I know got it already -.- I remember telling myself I would get it in p6, and then procrastinated... and sec 1-3 hols were kinda busy.

I have a feeling that half my friends don't really know me all that well. I have this different side of me I show to different groups of people... in class, in cca, even on overseas school trips... which one is my true self? I don't know anymore haha. What happened to the guy that sat quietly in class and you know, just worked really hard for homework? I don't even do them anymore. And something Kai Yan, my RC batchmate, told me during oip really struck me. "Wah, this is the first time seeing you like that". Even a friend that I've known for 4 years is shocked at my new 'face' during trips. guess I'm just a true introvert.

I feel that this is really good http://jerrybrito.org/post/6114304704/top-ten-myths-about-introverts The top 10 myths about introverts, and so so so true. I think I'm just loosening up the closer I get to people.

nostalgia.

Humans are so weird. You don't really feel much when you are part of an organisation, group etc. It's only when you leave that you really think about how it has really changed your life lol. It's just a place I study at...

Started playing 1v1 in starcraft 2. got placed in gold. zzz sian now I have to play more to get into plat.

Started doing some exercises after a month of inactivity. feeling too weak. haha this is so bad.

I think I'm starting to get too used to writing in short form now. Too much time spent on the web has made my typing so bad... so inaccurate and full of internet slang (is that how you describe stuff like lol?). When I am writing with pen and paper, it's okay, but when I'm typing, even if  it is schoolwork, I still struggle to correct the shortforms present in my work. This is really bad...

Realised I haven't blogged in a long time again. I guess i'm not the type that has the discipline to write down whatever I think on a notebook or a blog. I still remember reading Roald Dahl describing how he wrote down every dream he had in order to get inspiration for his next book. Too much hassle for a lazy guy like me I guess.

I still wonder sometimes if my decision was right or not. Though there's no turning back, I guess the statement that males, whether boys or men, never have final decisions, has some truth in it. I was watching a k-drama just now, and a dialogue between the male and female protagonists really struck me. She was contemplating between 2 choices, and asked him what he thought. He replied that there is no such thing as a 100% choice, since if that's the case it would mean it would be the answer, and 2 choices would not exist. What was important, he said, was to take that 50%, the chosen option, and make it into a 100%. There is no point regretting the choice made. Rather, one should work hard and make sure that it is the right choice.

Some truth in it, I suppose. Never knew dramas could be so deep. haiz.

Being the holidays, I currently have nothing much to do. And my mind has been allowed to wander for long periods of time. I was wondering about the classic question: "How is a human different from other animals?" Is the fact that we communicate through language? No, if I'm not wrong some animals do too, whether through sonar or body language. Is it the fact that we are able to fashion tools to meet our needs? Nope, apes have been observed doing that too, fashioning a stick thin enough to reach into an ant's nest to lure the ants out. Or is it just that we are intelligent? Yet, what is intelligence? Do other animals think? When animals meet danger, do they think, or just go by instinct, by whatever their subconsciousness dictates them to do? Are animals concious of themselves in the first place? Some animals, such as dolphins are (I think).

I guess the answer for me is that humans are always unsatisfied with something, whether their surroundings, their friends, food, etc. Is it this force that propels humans to constantly change, to constantly test the boundaries, to constantly break down barriers leading to their 'happiness'? Perhaps happiness is also a tool of evolution. To me, I don't think there is a way to be 100% happy. It is that minute nagging of displeasure that ultimately persuades a person to improve or change something. I guess in that way we slowly get better, more adapted to our surroundings, whether man-made or natural.

I guess that argument is bullshit. One thing I have to learn is to identify the weaknesses of my arguments. Being the proud creator of the rubbish, I'm always blinded and unable to do so. Yet my friends in my school (well, ex-school now) are always able to spot them and demolish my arguments. Guess I really suck at argument crafting.

Just had a thought. A real genius is not one that does perfectly everything, but one that is able to spot the shortcomings of his first product and continuously, tirelessly refine it until it is perfect.

Another bullshit statement haha

Oh and I've started dabbling in the the rubik's cube. Being fail at puzzles, I'm stuck at the last three squares. Can't seem to move them to the correct position to complete the dam cube. stupid puzzle.

And I need to start doing stuff for OIP. Told myself I would finish it today since the deadline is tomorrow. Haven't even started. Oh well shall just do it tomorrow then. Shouldn't be that hard anyway. Plus it's not graded :D (duh. retard.)

Oh shit and haven't replied to my china buddy's email. shit shit shit. Still need to send him pictures. shit shit shit.

at least I'm recovering from the cold. the last few days have been hell :/

and 4 years of my life are gone.

I still remember the first time when I stepped in RI. Having not visited it before (nvr went for the open house cos I never expected to get in anyway), it was a strange new place. I still remember the shy me stepping into 1P for the first time, being daunted by the fact that I knew no one in the class and that there was a surprisingly large majority of nanyang ppl in it. And it was also the day I spoke to Ivan for the first time.

For the first few weeks, sec 1 life was relaxed, but awkward, because it seemed that I was a fish out of water. Everyone seemed so much smarter, so much better than me. But I trudged on, and eventually knew my classmates better, and got to enjoy sec 1 life. I guess sec 1 was also the time I was the most hardworking in my time in RI, partly cos there was no commitments to cca or distractions for games, and I somehow seemed really motivated to study for the various tests. Though my math grade was in shambles before the eoy, it was ultimately pulled up to a 4.0.

Sec 1 was the first and last time I obtained the much coveted 4.0 gpa, and I guess the more hard work you put in, the greater the rewards. I didn't have that much motivation in the years onwards, which probably caused the decline in gpa.

Sec 1 was also the time I entered Red Cross. I still remember that I said "I wanted to learn more about first aid" as the reason why I joined. Frankly, that was a lie, since I didn't really have a reason to join other than the fact that my dad said it was a wise choice (talking about his own experience in ncc and my uncle's experience in   st john's). Which was the reason I put it as 2nd choice. At that point in time, it was kind of a disappointment, since I really hoped to join shooting which was my first choice.

In the first few weeks of cca life, red cross seemed like a really bad choice lol. For a 13 year old which had lived a rather relaxed life in primary school, the harsh discipline imposed on me by batch 56 was quite hard to stomach. It was at that time that I thought of changing my cca, but never got about seeing it through. And then things became better when b57 took over, I started enjoying it more and more i guess.

In sec 2, I started to really enjoy my class. I was now friends with most of the class, and laughed alot at all the retarded jokes that were made during class. It was also the time I started not doing my homework (oops), and started playing dota, albeit really lousily. Grades suffered, and I got a 3.8 gpa. Respectable, but not quite what I wanted.

In cca, I became slightly more involved, and joined fac 09. I was probably the worst in first aid in the team, which was the reason why I was the "theory guy". Still, I was really proud cos it was the time Iota, my platoon in RC, got to dominate the first aid team. We got third in fac 09, and it was probably the first competition I won (or rather got a placing) at the national level. Iota also won the platoon competition that year, partly because much emphasis was placed on first aid, which favoured my platoon, as compared to the more evac ( I think?) oriented epsilon and fd crazy omega.

The first half of sec 3 was probably the shittiest time I had in RI. Mostly due to smith. and incompetent teachers (ahem bio). I almost changed my combination I was going to take from trip sci geog to phy chem geog hist. At the end of sec 2, I was torn between the 2 combinations, partly cos I did quite well for history and had some interest in it, though on impulse I chose trip sci geog. In the end though, I stuck to my combi, and I guess it was a miracle smith left by June. Don't get me wrong, as an English teacher, whe was great, just that I hated her style of teaching.

The second half of sec 3 was also really tough, since I was in boarding, and boarding really isn't the best place to be when you are in the midst of preparing for a competition (fac 10) and being involved in running the cca. Which is probably why I did a really bad job in both, and on top of that, my grades suffered again.
On the bright side though, I met really great old and new friends like ernest (awesome roomate!), bong, winston, kevan and tien pan. I guess looking at tien pan mug every day kinda inspired me to study a little while in boarding, but not much.

I ended sec 3 with another 3.8. nth much to say about that. and student leaders' camp. I guess slc was the toughest camp I went through yet, hiking 43 km over 2 days with a bag probably weighing 10kg. I couldnt even shower that night, and had to sleep in some flimsy basha tent. it was also the time when I realised these kind of stuff was really mind over matter. At the end of the hike, many of my groupmates asked me how I was able to be always the front of the group, and ever urging the group to move faster and further. I didn't have an answer at that time, but I think I do now. I was never the fittest in the group ( on the contrary, probably the most unfit, with so many sportsmen and other ug ppl in it). So it was kind of surprising to me when they started complaining lol. I realised that hiking was just about getting to a constant pace, and soon your body starts ignoring the pain at the shoulders and feet and just focus on moving towards the set destination. But it was also through this that my groupmates said I didn't look back enough and ignored the ones at the back of the group. That's also probably why I kinda failed as a platoon mentor. It is really hard to propel a group forward, while taking care of the ppl at the back. Throughout the year, I guess I didn't do that well in that aspect either, so i guess I have to work on that more.

Sec 4 was a hectic time for me. A year of red cross, getting entangled in some ug council affairs, getting demoralised by my disappointing score in geog in the mid years, and taking part in fdcom for the first time. It was also the time when I first reflected so much on my 4 years in RI through the showcase portfolio. I realised I did achieve alot, and it still seems unbelievable I'm in this school today. And now I'm already leaving for another school (though the sec school and jc have merged, they are still distinctly different to me).  I would say sec 4 would be the time where I accumulated many regrets, whether I liked it or not. I should have done so many things better, lp for the sec 3s, where I think I really let them down by an unstructured and subpar programme at times, my grades, which began to drop, and all the many other things along the way. Lp was the first time I tried planning something on such a large scale, and to be honest it was really really badly executed lol. I guess trying to keep up with academics (with my RA and competitions) as well as CCA is quite impossible for me. I think I did my best to juggle both, but I could have done better (as always).

I think one thing I didn't talk about yet is my RA, Geography. It was quite lucky I entered RA in the first place, considering the weird interview I had with Mr Yuen and Mrs Ong. And I was quite a fish out of water in the first few weeks of RA. Guess I'm not the type of person that gets comfortable easily in a new environment. And it was also by another stroke of luck that I got in to the team for NUS Geography challenge 2010. By now I think what owl (though not directly) at that time that I was the weakest link in the team is pretty true. I'm quite fail at navigating (just didn't bothered with the bus roads and maps) and was the most unfit in the team (with 2 polo players and someone from scouts, it isn't that surprising). So that told me that I had to ace the prelim test in order to prove my position in the team. Which I kinda did, getting joint 3rd with like 5 other people, the only person on the team that got placed. Looking back, I guess it was good she said that cos I realised I had to prove my worth. so thanks owl.

Anyway, it was the first academic competition I took part in (ignoring random stuff like UNSW and all the olympiads which I didn't really care for) which I won. wow. I didn't really expect to win, but with 3 strong team mates, I'm not really surprised now. I really like to thank shao min, wesley and sam chua for the wonderful time we had together, screwing around in the geog room and rushing to prepare in the final weeks before the competition.

RA became more fun as I get to know my teacher, Mrs Ong Wai Ling, and my other classmates. We are perhaps the most bonded RA class, probably cos we have [too] much fun during lessons. I think it was a surprise to me when I topped the level in geog mid years in year 3, cos I thought I screwed it up badly after test (I didn't read the last part of the easy question and didn't write it to context). So I guess it was a stroke of luck that my essay actually made sense (the context was in LEDCs, and most examples I gave were in LEDCs, so my essasy survived). I guess physical geog is my forte, cos I died in the eoys for geog. I did not get the highest raw score in geog ra overall, but I was second, so I got the prize too.

Sec 4 RA was dam cool too. I got to go to UK, participated in Nat Geo World Championships in San Francisco (!), went for NUS Geog challenge again with the same team and IDEERS in taiwan. I guess this time round NUS Geog challenge was quite unfair to the other teams, since I think we were one of the few teams that actually sent the same team again. And the difference was quite obvious when we got top 4 for the written prelim round. I got 3rd again (pfffft), but at least it was my team mates sam chua and wesley that got top 2. So we were favourites to win the competition, and I guess we did not disappoint. I think what disappointed me the most was the RGS team, which ended the finals with a negative score. Well, nothing much to say about that.

UK trip was dam fun. I think the photos on fb would attest to that.

Nat Geo World Championships wasn't really a competition I liked. It emphasised on memorising all the different parts of the world, like how Bolivia has 2 capitals, Sucre and La Paz. To me, it was quite retarded, since I think concepts like urbanisation and globalisation or even river processes is more important that just memorising which is the highest mountain in the US (which is Mt McKinley btw). So I think I pulled the team down, and we got 6th overall. The best results Singapore has achieved so far in the competition, but not that great a result, because I really think we would thrash the rest if it came to theory or even fieldwork. It was fun though, since I spent the last few days having fun cos I didnt need to study for the finals anyway. And I made some cool friends along the way, like the taiwanese, indians and the hungarians. I didn't talk with the others, either because they were too quiet, or just that I didn't like how pretentious ppl like the aussies were (pardon me if I was wrong, but that's how I really felt). Still, it was a great experience, cos I got to really experience SF, not just be told I was there when I was 3 -.-

IDEERS was just a gateway for me to go to taiwan lol. But I'm really glad Shurvin, the chief architect and leader of the team, put up with teammates like me. Thanks alot, hohoho! It was really fun though, building a model from scratch and gettting to know my RA mates and other friends better (like the dirty mind of bernard tsk tsk). and Mrs Martina Ong was an awesome teacher in charge too. And my taiwan friend for treating me with so much hospitality, thanks Hung Hsu! Though I guess I came back with a few regrets, like how I screwed up the measurements for the second floor (sorry shurvin and pk), I still had a really good time in Taiwan.

For my geog grade, well I did really badly in the midyears, where most ppl in RA class got like 6-7 marks higher than me. So by the time it reached the eoy, I was like 14% behind wesley, who was the top at a mindblowing 92%. So I guess top in geog ra is out of my reach, and I just focussed on getting my 4.0 for geog at the end of the year. and I got it, topping the level for the geog eoy, surprising everyone and myself really. I'm tied at 83.13% with minseok behind wesley at 84.5%, so whether the third decimal place is higher or lower than min seok's determines whether I get the prize. I'm already happy though, because even if I don't get the prize, it would just be what I deserve for not studying well enough for the mid years. Quite regrettable really, but at least I did my best in the eoy.

I guess that sums up my 4 years in RI. Had a great time, met great friends, and had many regrets. Oh well, that's just life I suppose.

haiz. it's tmr.

Footdrill

Footdrill was never one of my passions in Red Cross. I was more inclined towards OA, but that was just cos it felt easy to do. First aid and evacuation were subjects I was never really great at, but the difficulty was satisfying.

When I first entered RIRC, I felt footdrill was easy. I still remember winning the first 2 elim drills in sec 1. and then after footdrill bronze, everything went downhill lol. It just became cumbersome to remember all those commands, timings, and those malay words I cant never understand. It was a real struggle to me, possibly my worst core RC subject.

So when I joined FDC this year cos of the lack of participants (ahem), I didn't really know what I was getting into. I had another geog competition that is about a month away from FDC, and I had training clashes (which is bad cos I had to skip many fdc trainings when my footdrill proficiency is crappy ._,)

Yea, I trained hard. And then I realised fd was never about the different commands. It was about the people. My awesome batchmates and unitmates was really what made me persevere through this journey. Trainings were somewhat tough I guess, but we soldiered on.

So much I didn't know about my team mates...so much I didn't know about my batchmates even. I guess what the GOH said yesterday was true. All you remember is not the sweat and tears, but the friendships forged.

So I'd like the thank all those who came with me on this journey for the wonderful time. Thanks for putting up with my screw ups and my zao xiaing (xD)!

NYANCOM'11. Something I won't forget for a long time.

I wonder why it is so hard to find out what others' think. Are they telling me the truth? They tell me something, and yet act otherwise.

I guess that's why the really pro people can read people's minds and wow audiences with that.


Perhaps we all lie to one another, just that we don't realise it sometimes.

Elitism.

A few years back, an RGS girl (or was she ex-RGS?) wrote about her point of view of elitism, about how the demographics of the school population in the Raffles schools have changed to be one of high social standing (and definitely rich). She was slammed by the public for her blunt and inaccurate remarks.

To this day, even though many of my friends in my school are not as well of as she puts us to be, there is still an undercurrent of elitism that I see whenever I go for competitions (representing my school, obviously). Kinda appalling at first, but not surprising. After all, our principal and those higher ups have been encouraging us to view ourselves as the premier school in Singapore.

Yet, is that view wrong? Granted, it is blunt (and not always true). But I think that why many of us have such an innate streak of elitism in us is because of the public perception too. It is kind of impossible to admit you suck if you are from my school. and it sucks. People expect you to do better, or much more. I think it is partly  also due to the public eye that these stuff happens.

We are not hard to beat. In fact, I think we have been beaten more times that we had over the years by other schools. But we have also triumphed in so many other areas.

I think it is inevitable that elitism will exist. It will not go away. And I think it is somewhat good, as it encourages competition between the schools. And yet it can also discourage the hearts of many, both in the 'elite' schools and others.

so be it. not gonna care about that anymore.





~what have I done?~

I think as an NCO, you need to be able to do 2 things: sacrifice and pretence.

Why sacrifice? When your cadets and everyone else is enjoying themselves, chaos usually reigns behind the scenes. Who makes sure the chaos does not go out of hand? NCOs. And it's really tiring. It might seem easy to be in charge of an activity. After all, as the cadets see it, you do not take part in the 'stupid' or random or crazily difficult activities. What cadets don't see is what is being done behind the scenes. All those chairs, all those benches, all those puzzles they are fiddling with right now are all done by the NCOs.

As an NCO, your job is ultimately to take care of the little kiddes (cadets) and ensure the activity runs smoothly. Sounds easy on paper, but not so when you really try to do it. So sacrifice. You ignore pain, sweat, fatigue to ensure the programme is on time, the thing next has been prepared, and cadets are having fun/being disciplined. It's not easy. It's not fun. But you know you have to do it.

And as an NCO, you have to put up a pretence, especially in front of cadets. Even when rushing to get things done behind the scene, a sense of professionalism must always be present. To everyone else, things always seem fine. It is a reassurance to cadets, and your committee members. And that's another skill that's eays to write on paper, but something super super super difficult to master or grasp.

Why do I keep denying myself that I have feelings? Why do I keep building this wall around me, this shell around me, distancing myself from others? 

Are those feeling real? Or just an illusion of my crazed mind (yea, I'm insane)?

Just back from UK.  Had a wonderful time there. Dale Fort was a really relaxing place and Pembrokshire itself was really great too. Hope to go back there someday... instead of the hustle and bustle of city life.

I guess I learnt some stuff through the fieldwork we did, but i think the pace of learning there is pretty slow. They pretty much give us all the answers and most of the worksheets are just fill-in-the-blanks. I had alot of fun with my friends though. We explored alot around the area, such as the old bunker with the fantastic view and all the funny side paths. 

London is a beautiful city too, just that it has more filth compared to Singapore. The architecture there is so grand. And i should have spent more at Oxford street. oh well. I will just buy more in US. 500 more dollars to spend! haha I sound like such a shopping-deprived kid.

I think we should have spent more time at Dale Fort though. The fieldwork there is quite enjoyable, I love the environment there. 1 more day at London would have been perfect too, since our visits to certain places like the Tower of London was so rushed. (and I wouldn't mind more time at Oxford street lol)

Time to catch up on work though...

Last day in Singapore before ~8 days in UK. I haven't been blogging much, I know, but that doesn't mean I don't have stuff on my mind.

I was out yesterday buying jeans at NEX, and we went to the nearby area to eat at the coffeeshop. That was the area I grew up in, where I bought my first toy, where I bought my first watch, where I bought my first set of clothes...

And yet the shops here are on the verge of closing down now because of NEX. I saw the old shop keeper looking forlornly at his shop. The has gravitated to nex, and bypassed all the shops here. Is that the true force of (I dunno, commericalisation?)

lol anyway packing for uk now (or was). main luggage is 14kg (dam...) and the hand luggage (my bagpack really) is less than 5kg, since it seems so light. But its so bulky, with my jacket and sweater and other barang barang...

oooh about my results. kinda died in my myct, though I managed to pull off a miracle by get a 3.6 for chinese (YES CHINESE) and well everything else died cept bio. oops. first time getting a 3.6 for geog. man now my geog's really screwed. oh well I still got a 3.9gpa overall, so it ain't that bad, and apparently my comments from my fts were better than my friends even though I'm evidently so much worse than them.

kinda finished on the e-learning stuff they gave us for the last day of school, but I'm gonna have to finish them when I get back. I also have to read another issue of duzhe for a test (oh the joy) and another el lit book which isn't really exciting.

Oh and I'm starting to play playphone poker on my ipod touch. I'm really bad at the game, so I guess I'm lucky that the money I'm losing is just virtual money or I will be in deep trouble.

yep thats about it.

one day, I will be standing right next to you.

I admire those who can just be offline all the time. Those who can say f*** the world and shut yourself away from it. Those who can escape from their troubles so easily.


But that's just so irresponsible.  That's not how you do things.

I'm so dead for geog. the practice paper seems so hard. and chinese is tomorrow. I need to get a 70%! dam...hopefully i can remember what i crammed into my head. SS on Friday. and yet I havent really studied much for it. need to commit pts to memory and practice writing.

The only thing I'm not screwed for is math and sciences I think. and even that looks increasingly shaky.


die liao.

nice.

Finally able to post. blogger's post editor takes forever to load zz

Anyway we won ACJC. Guess I'm a little disappointed at the RGS participants though. Getting 4th??? Oh well. Shao and Sam Chua were great in the semis, and it was a pretty close fight with Dunman in the finals (10-8 pts). 

We aren't that good afterall. I mean, RI sent in year 3 teams in previous years, cept in '10 and '11, and they won 3 years in a row. Hopefully the sec 3s and next year's geog ra can continue the streak and keep the 2nd challenge trophy in the cabinet.

Participated in WRCD game carnival today. Quite ok for a first time game vendor I guess lol. My cough keeps getting in the way though ._. Didn't get to sit much as I was usually standing talking to the people who came to our booth. I really admire those service sector people that can stand for like 8 hours non-stop serving customers. Those kind of jobs are definitely not for me.

The judges didn't even ask us questions. They just went to our booth and looked at some people playing and our cards... sigh. Does that mean our game sucks so much they don't even bother to ask us stuff about it? Oh well. It's over anyway.

This is probably my last post before MYCTs. must focus on studies alr.

maybe the elections this time round will shake up our political scene abit.

And girls seems to like really really microscopic fonts for their blogs (fine, generalisation, but still). Makes my degree higher man.

Jiayou to the remaining performing arts groups for their SYF central judging!

And good luck to me for MYCTs. I totally need it. urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ggfied.

tmr's acjc geog quiz, and I havent mug. die. hopefully whacking phys geog will help...







--

come on batch 60, get your act together. I know you guys can do it :)

Finally went on a self-initiated run after 16 years of my life. Feels great.

I think running can cure lots of illnesses. My phlegm and mucus were all forced after a run around my housing estate. And glucose water doesnt taste that bad after all.

Awesome day.

Went bloghopping o.O

ok not really. Went to someone's blog, who I am not sure who she even is (bigger o.O). crap. This post makes me seem like a stalker.

There was this real nice poem she wrote. Won't put it here, if not ppl can just google it, which will be tantamount to sharing her stuff without permission (I have some guilty consciousness after all ^^).



I don't even know what my MBTI is anymore. ISFJ? INTJ? ISTJ? one of those 3, definitely. Not that it really matters. MBTI would only really work if I knew everyone's MBTI. If not, its just another indicator of preference.

MYCTs in less than a month.

dammit.

im so screwing up my studies. DEAD. need to start focusing and listening more attentively, especially geog. play around too much alr.


uh oh.
怎么办？

Is it wrong to be skeptical about charity donations?

As part of my CCA, there are fund raising activities that we do every year. I do not doubt the purpose of such activities; they are all for a good cause.

But it pains me when I hear reports of people misappropriating funds. My parents have been skeptical about these things ever since TT Durai (NKF) and his golden taps, and of course Ming Yi, that 'monk'. Apparently Ming Yi is out of jail and a new man. pff.

And both are from RI. What a disgrace.

I digress. Should I follow my parents' attitude towards such charity donations? My mum told me today that some idiot misappropriated some funds from the Japan relief funds from Red Cross.

I guess however tight regulations are, there will always be loopholes waiting to be exploited. I am currently clinging on to some hope that the money I donate reaches somewhere it is of use, not a greedy person's pocket.

Hopefully my faith will hold true.

ok haha yay whoo whee lalala


I'm socially inept.

Maybe staying under a rock like patrick star might not be such a bad option after all.

Well, good job all facommers! especially awareness cat! awesome board game, awesome presentation, awesome brochure!

For fac main team, at least we are in the finals! One step at a time I guess. Towards the top...



--
I don't know either. You confuse me. But now I'm unsure if it was my fault or yours. Though, does it matter anymore?


Maybe we should just bury the hatchet.

Or just move on.

You can only learn to love yourself by loving and cherishing life. Learning to love yourself can make our lives more fulfilling, more beautiful; making our souls more healthy and whole.

Learning to love yourself is not indulging in oneself, it is about independence. There will always be times when there is no one there to monitor us, mentor us. Even our dearest parents or our closest friends cannot be by our side forever. The love and concern we are currently showered with can always be easily taken away. Hence, we have to learn how to find out own happiness, so that we would not end up as a blade of dried grass floating helplessly in the wind, but a tree standing proudly against it.

Learning to love yourself is not about spoiling oneself, but about encouraging oneself. It allows us to learn to give ourselves lovely stalk of flower when everything seems lost, giving ourselves a radiant smile on our faces, to embrace hope and to persevere on towards a better tomorrow. Loving oneself is not shameful, it is an honour. It is not based on ignorance, but based on our deep understanding of life's value and importance. It can allow us to construct our own palace when our soul seems empty, transforming it into a haven for spirit.

Only by learning to love yourself, can you truly know how to love this world.

P.S. some parts sound funny, cos I translated this from a passage that was in chinese lol

Is that a normal reaction? hmm.

What I did in the last 30 odd hours feels like a dream. Starting on Friday 6pm to 9pm today, it was filming all the way. We practically went the through the entire island, except for the Northern areas. Cant say the locations, cos after all its for a competition.

Really tired. Yet it was fun. But know its time to focus on other stuff. 

Camp tomorrow...(yea I know Sunday is in 9 minutes but well...)

I am still wondering about how to communicate effectively with people. Is it really wrong to communicate bluntly because you felt that was right/what you wanted to do? Or should we still maintain that distance and impersonal feeling that the internet perpetuates?

I have no idea. I still tactless. blunt. Some who are more kind-hearted will say I'm honest. But I'm just a rude person who doesn't know when he oversteps the line.

Hopefully those that I 'offended' will understand where I came from. Maybe not. Maybe that's why I'm just an  unpopular kid in school, not of those that everyone knows their names.

But are they really that friendly? I can't see how a person can remain that friendly for 24/7. I will go bonkers. People will just take advantage of your goodwill. Or maybe they just do it. Afterall, some people feel that it is a joy to help others.

I am not saying the point of view they have is flawed. But sometimes I question the motives of those who ask for help.

But I digress. Just hope she understands.

A slip of tongue is all it takes to destroy friendships. After all, friendship is like a porcelain vase. Once broken, it can never be restored to each original condition, no matter how hard you try.

If she doesn't, I just lost another one in my ever shrinking pool of friends.

You feel like paradise, and I need a vacation now....

Finally have some mood/time to post. Been real busy the past few weeks.

RIRC got into facom finals for both categories of FAC, and my team got into finals for GC. WOO double happiness xD

now hoping I get into top 10 indiv for GC...

Will it really last, such that 10-20 years down the road, I can come back and say I was part of it?

I help clean the house every weekend. Maybe my EL diagnostic speech really sounded quite rubbish, but I really do think while doing the chores. I guess it is better than stoning and thinking. At least I'm doing something productive. 

I rmb owl saying that she likes to think of stuff while bathing. Well, I guess I'm less of a reflective person than her, cos I only let my thoughts run wild during Sundays, when I clean. 

New year resolutions?

...

I don't have any. Never had any since last year. Or maybe I had some, but forgot after the busy year caught up with me. New year resolutions is something that I never fulfill, at least not consciously.

Though I am devoid of new year resolutions this year, it doesn't mean I won't work hard. I will work doubly hard. (at least that how I kid myself every year).

Good luck to those with new year resolutions. At least they aren't as aimless as me. Though I think I wanna be a doctor afterall. After all the years dreaming about astronauts (in Singapore? you must be kidding), banker (I cmi at numbers), engineer (urgh Physics), lawyer (my oral comm is one of the worst in the world), and all the bagillion other options that included cleaner( hey at least you don't need to use your brain), explorer, marine biologist, anthropologist and rich bachelor (definitely not happening in this lifetime).

Ah well.

The difference in styles of education in different schools is astounding. All schools start out with pretty much the same vision. To develop men and women of great capability, imbuing in them leadership qualities and core values which the school has identified itself with.

And though the end is similar, the process is so different. Cos of the 6 yr programme that more and more schools enjoy, privileged students are able to experience many different things from their counterparts. For one, CCAs can run all the way to sec 4 as O levels has become a non issue. This extra year, to me, makes much of the difference. I don't know about the rest, but I feel I have suddenly matured much from the gap btwn sec 3 to 4. I guess having responsibilities thrust upon you really does work (well sometimes).

But I still feel the current programme to be lacking.


And why the heck am I blogging about this?! shit so much stuff in my mind....

Argh.

YAY. Now I'm going to US and UK this year. All in the month of June. After 5-6 yrs of not going anywhere cept Ubin and Sentosa, I finally get to go somewhere overseas. Wooo!

The belated first post of the year!

School started on 4th Jan, 2 days ago. Went for DID (Dialogue in the Dark) on day 1, where we basically went through what it felt like to be a blind person. My group was the last to go in, so we played some games with other groups while waiting. We played stuff like Pictionary. If you don't know what it is, I shall explain. You get a word, and you have to draw something out without any letters/numbers, and hope that someone guess it right. But in our case, we had to draw blindfolded. And man was it hard. I got the word (or rather phrase) 'Star wars', and intended to draw 2 light sabers. But since I was blindfolded, the handle was totally out of proportion and looked really weird. So I drew a star and Melvin guessed it right. yay! lol

After that, we drew pictures blindfolded. This was done in pairs, and one was blindfolded. The one not blindfolded would have to guide the person blindfolded by telling him what shapes to draw where, so that it would form the picture. I was supposed to draw an Octopus or sth, and it was quite ok in the end. Mad drawing skills ftw!

The last thing we did was trying to get safety pins out of a box of rice blindfolded. The other guy would instruct you. And it was hard, cos you cannot feel the safety pin from the grains of rice.

Finally we went into the exhibit. And it was quite cool. We were guided by a visually impaired man, and were even given those canes the blind use to navigate. It was really an eye opener (no pun intended), as it was really dark (you can't see your hand in front of you) and we only could follow his voice/instructions. It was cool too, as there was among other things a rocking bridge, a statue of Stamford Raffles, A boat along Singapore river (where we took a 'trip' down the 'river'), a real Yellow Mazda (what the guy said), fruits and vegetables that we quite hard to recognise and a cafe where we bought cookie and beverages ( paying and eating in the dark).

The next day, we went for laser shootout. You could use 2 guns, a lighter SMG (I guess) at 1.8kg and a heavier rifle at 2.2kg. I tried both as we had 3 teams, and since only 2 teams could play at any one time, all teams played twice. There are 3 sensors they stuck on the harness which you donned at your neck, and one on your gun, so basically you could shoot at your opponent's upper body or gun to hit him. Everyone could be hit 7 times, be4 you die and have to go back to base to be revived. The number of deaths is the score of the team; the lower the better. We won both rounds, winning team A ( we were team B) 24 something to 34, and team C 25 to 60+. However, overall, we had 49 deaths, while team B had 47 deaths. So we lost. Dammit. But overall it was a really fun experience. Having NCC people in our team helped alot as they were quite experience with these kind of shooting things.

I finally had real lessons today. Just normal stuff.

I have 2 new form teachers, Mrs Lim Jee Nee (like genie in a bottle), and Ms Stephanie Lee. Mrs Lim just came back to RI, here 3rd stint here apparently (so says my PE teacher), while Ms Lee is a new Philosophy teacher, really young (maybe late 20s?) Both are really nice, since they take CLE and Philosophy anyway.

Tomorrow's Raffles Trail, and I have to miss it cos of HSSRP. When I was Sec 1 I didn't even visit the Red Cross Booth, and now I will never see it. sad luh.