If I were a question, would you be my answer?

Maybe because I've lived a pretty smooth-sailing and sheltered life so far that it has made me treat each failure too seriously. Need to start taking things in my stride.

I guess being bold won't always pay off. But all we can do is continue moving forward while being true to ourselves.

'The art of economics consists in looking not merely at the immediate hut at the longer effects of any act or policy; it consists in tracing the consequences of that policy not merely for one group but for all groups.' - Hazlitt, 1946.

Well put, but that can be said for any action we take in life.

You can't have your cake and eat it. I don't know why people keep on fruitlessly trying to do so.

Can I run and hide
I’m stuck inside my memories
Step away from time
take me to a place
where I will never grow old
I’m tired everyday
I’m thirsty for the rain

'I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we are mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.' - Achilles

If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult, for we believe others to be happier than they are.

When you are having three different conversations with the same person on three different apps #complicated

"Almost perfect...but not quite."

Still remember this poem which was copied into my journal by my P4 form teacher.

The pursuit for perfection may be futile, but there's little challenge to life if one does not even try right?

Geography in camb: using a meagre amount of lectures to give you on overview on a broad topic but with little on things you need to know for your assignments/tests.

Looking back, I think I did so many things out of norm just to try and impress you. And yet my biggest regret is not having done more.

There's no better present you can give to a geographer than a map. Thank you :)

It's probably my 5th/6th time having dinner in the hallowed halls of Magdalene, but it's only now that I realised the surreality that surrounded me.

When will I ever have the chance to wear black tie with an academic gown and dine in hall steeped in history and tradition and only illuminated by candlelight? When will I ever have the chance to have a choir sing to me a prayer in Latin, which I don't really comprehend but so beautiful? When will I ever have the chance to give a toast to Her Majesty the Queen, who isn't even my head of state? When will I ever get a chance to listen to a live musical performance with narration from the diary of Samuel Pepys?

It's probably something I will never get to do again after I graduate, unless I feel nostalgic many years later, donate some money and get a seat at the high table (pretty unlikely).

It's also probably something most people would never experience in their lives, considering such traditional dinners are probably done only in some colleges in Oxbridge...

I guess once you are admitted into a college, you are part of the family for life. Maybe. I will just continue to marvel in awe at the pomp and tradition my college still upholds even with all the changes and vicissitudes that have happened and may happen in the future. I used to hate the fact that Magdalene was one of the more traditional colleges, but now I'm slowly growing fond of that aspect.

Uh oh. Maybe this is part of being Cambridge-educated.

I love being in uncharted waters. Maybe that's why I'm a geographer.

Nobody said it was easy,

It's such a shame for us to part.

Nobody said it was easy,

No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

Ambiguity kills. I know you better than most other people do, and you know me better than most other people do. And we have grown so close I'm not sure if we are intentionally crossing some boundaries, or because we are unwittingly doing so.

"Let nature take its course". Whoever came up that phrase clearly didn't mean for it to be used on the complexity of relationships. How do you tell where the boundary lie, especially when you yourself are uncertain of your own feelings, let alone hers? And I can't help but think how it would complicate everyone else's lives, and what might happen if it doesn't go well.

Maybe the status quo should be maintained. I don't know. Too tired to think about all of this. 

Don't know what you want. Stop toying with me :(

I've had enough of taking shit from people.

很就很久以后我们才知道
            当一个女孩说再也不理你
                                        不是真的讨厌你
                                                    而是她很在乎你
                                                                 非常非常在乎你

Finally got to watch the movie. Dem feels T.T

To reminisce is not a crime. To dwell in the past is. The only thing one can do is to look forward, even if it's hard to keep your eyes open. Even if you have to blink away the tears. Even if that's not what you want.

So lucky to have a bunch of friends I can talk about anything with and just do random stuff with. Some are people who I will have experiences I will never forget, and that makes me cherish them so much more. I've known everyone for a while, but even meeting just a few times a year makes me realise that true friends will be there and will be the same no matter how long you've not seen each other.

Reading the latest waitbutwhy article makes me kinda wistful Haha. Hopefully I'm not at the tailend of my meet up with this awesome bunch of people.

We must succeed,
no we must be happy,
no we must succeed,
no we must be happy. 

2015 was a great year. The greatest ups and downs I've had over the past few years were things I experienced in such a short span of time.

In 2015,  I've studied harder than in any year before. Any resolution to stop doing so much just for a piece of paper flew out of the window when it came to the crunch. I don't know if I'm a masochist or a perfectionist. Maybe they aren't mutually exclusive.

In 2015, it paid off, but there isn't much to say about it really. In the end, it is just because of my pride? That I'm too proud to be second, to lose to someone, that I strive hard even when it really does not matter at all?

Yet if that's the case, why am I so hesitant, so incompetent in other fields? Why am I not able to express my feelings to someone even if I think they are one of the few people I trust (or trusted at least)? Why do I shirk my responsibilities so often, blowing them off because they 'aren't worth my time'?

In 2015, I've visited many places this year travelling with so many different people. I don't even know if travelling is a pointless luxury something I do because I can, or because it actually broadens my horizons (what a cliché). I  visited Prague, Budapest, Vienna, Lisbon, Rome, Cinque Terre, Pisa, Genoa, Milan, many different parts of Kenya, Hong Kong, most of Hokkaido, Munich, Salzburg, Leipzig, Nice, Bordeaux and Lyon.

In 2015, I've travelled with 9 different groups of people in a year. And yet I have little to show for it other than some good photos (and many bad ones) and faint memories of what I've done.

Probably time to rethink the whole eat sleep travel mindset.

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In 2015, I finally understood what it means to not know how much something/someone means to you until you lose it/him/her/them.

I don't want to admit it, but I am a cowardly fool when it comes to these things. Is it that hard to say what you want to say and disregard how the other person might react? If it wasn't meant to be anyway, what's wrong with a little honesty? That's totally something I need to work on too.

Is it possible to be heartbroken losing something you never had? I guess that's just me being a presumptuous prick heh.

There are few things I regret in the year. I regret being such a sloth (really though, my body's surprisingly not in such a bad shape). I regret copping up in my room just for two 3h exams, that was a crappy way of spending like four weeks.

I regret not remembering what you said on the bus, distracted because I'm nervous around you. I regret purposely walking too quickly because I was annoyed you were late, and chiding myself when I heard you sigh. I regret being irrational, getting angry about things that didn't matter. I regret being 5000 km away when all I really wanted was to spend time with you.

But I do not regret sleeping at 2am because of our conversations. I do not regret spending hours just to agree on where to meet. I do not regret those few meetings.

Perhaps that was the last time we will meet. After all, I don't think I have the courage to contact you again.

You probably will never read this, but I really hope I see you again. And if I don't, thank you and good bye.