Found a renewed love for running. Can't run as fast as I could in army (actually a very long way from that), but running has always given me a sense of mortality. The struggled breaths, the aching of my muscles and fogging up of my glasses is something I encounter too little nowadays. 

It reminds me to do what I need to do and want to do, instead of just wasting my time away. It reminds me that life is a struggle, but willpower will allow me to pull through. It reminds me that in this long hard slog, there are always people that will come to my mind to push me on. I might not feature on theirs, but it is from them I will draw strength from. 

More importantly though, I need to burn some calories.

Rude. Why do I even bother

You can never forget someone or something that was the reason you smiled. I missed how we used to talk everyday, and how I was able to just open up so easily and say anything on my mind. But once you make a decision, you have to live with it, even if you may regret it.

Many people wish they didn't do or say certain things. I wish that I were better so it wouldn't happen that way.

There are always things in life that you wish didn't happen. But they make you who you are. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you I guess.

The right people will make time for you, and the wrong ones will just make excuses.

“There are times in our lives when we have to realize our past is precisely what it is, and we cannot change it. But we can change the story we tell ourselves about it, and by doing that, we can change the future.”
― Eleanor Brown

What matters is not what others think of you, but whether you can live with who you are. And since I can't with some parts of myself, I will change that and become a better person. 

I guess you only realise who is important when you leave huh. And it's even worse when you can't even speak to them anymore.

But I guess that's life. Choices you took because you felt they were the right ones come back to bite you once in a while. All because you weren't strong enough.

In the end, I'm just not good enough. Trying to always be a better person each day has always been my personal goal, but I seem to be lost with so many conflicting aims clouding my thinking.

I seem to be living a life of contradictions, but maybe it is gaining this awareness that is what people call 'growing up'.

I have flaws which I have long accepted as part of my personality, but that should never have been the case. How can such gross shortcomings be dismissed as part of my personality, a character trait when it clearly can be changed?